I am my family’s engine room – Ifeoma, Pat Utomi’s wife

Ifeoma, Pat Utomi’s wife
| credits: File copy

For the first time, Dr. Ifeoma Utomi,  a Consultant Orthodontist at the Lagos University Teaching Hospital,  lecturer at the College of Medicine, University of Lagos, and wife of Prof Pat Utomi, shares her love story, among other things, with BOSEDE OLUSOLA-OBASA in this interview

You clocked 50 in July. How does it feel to clock the golden year?

Physically I don’t notice any difference but I feel happy and excited that I am able to get to this age. Looking back to my 40th birthday celebration, some of the people who were there are no more. That makes it a privilege to get to that age. I am glad that my bones are still strong. Some of my friends who came around for my 50th birthday expressed concern for me because I was wearing high heels for the occasion up till 9pm. They said I would feel the effect at my joints the next day. But the next day, I was up early to go about the day’s business and I did not feel anything. I give glory to God that I got to this age without any health challenge.

You still look like you are in your 30s. How do you maintain this youthful look?

I wish I still have a regular exercise schedule, but at times, environmental factors affect it. It requires disciple but it is possible. I used to observe three times a week real exercises. I do it for the recommended minimum of 20 to 25 minutes that aid the pumping of the heart. What I do now is fitness exercises in my bedroom at night for about 20 minutes. The evenings are more convenient for me. I seldom have the time to use the gym in my house.

How will you describe your 28 years marriage to your husband?

We have known each other for 30 years. It is a journey of faith when I reflect because when you meet someone you cannot tell where the journey may take you both. The fundamental thing is that steps like these must be committed to a high being and that is what I tell my daughters. I remember that when it was time for me to make that decision, I knelt down and told God that I needed someone that would make me happy and not just someone with money. I must say that the prayer has been answered beyond my expectation. My husband teases me sometimes, saying that it was getting married to him that made me move closer to God. That is true, although I was brought up as an Anglican and got married to a Catholic. It took me some time to flow with the Catholic but since I did, it has been very good. I recall that some incidents in our marriage, like a tragic accident he had in 1997, made our family to draw closer to God. I became more committed through the Full Gospel Men International. Apart from the spiritual aspect, being married to my husband has turned my life around in every aspect. He is an inspiration to me, very disciplined and that can be traced to his upbringing. As early as age seven, he was a Mass Server and that meant he had to wake up early everyday to be at his service point. He also went to Catholic boarding schools, which in those days, were known to instil high discipline in students – Loyola College, Ibadan and Christ the King College, Onitsha. My husband is a go-getter and I receive a lot of inspirations seeing the things he has accomplished. I used to think that I was smart until I met my husband. People also believe that I was smart back then in the secondary school, especially because I got the best final result in my school that no one else has surpassed. I have also benefitted in the social aspect too.

But you are seldom seen with him in public?      

I often hear people say, ‘Oh, we don’t see you,’ and I say every time you see him, I am right behind him, all you need to do is to imagine it. I can’t afford to be everywhere with him. But whenever I have to be somewhere with him, I do so. He is in the public but I have chosen to be the engine room. He understands and appreciates my preference to see that things are moving well back home. I believe that as he does well, it rubs off on me. If I had tried to project myself, we might have had issues earlier in the marriage.

How do you cope with the demands of your medical profession and raising the family?

Yes, I am a medical professional, but my profession gives me the time I need to look after the home front. As a student that was assumed to be very bright in my secondary school, I was urged to go into the sciences in the university. I chose medicine as my first course and dentistry as the second choice. I eventually read dentistry as my first degree and looking back, I think it was by divine arrangement. For my second degree, I specialised as an Orthodontist, which does not require one to be on night calls. If I had studied medicine, I would have been having night duties more often, and my husband used to and still travels a lot. I have to be there for the family. The kind of  job I got also gave me a good opportunity to see the children raised properly while taking good care of my husband and the numerous guests we entertain at different levels of the social strata. A woman should be there for all these, money is not everything although it is very important. I do tell young girls that once your husband is capable of meeting your basic needs and maybe you can travel out once in a year, you can do something that gives your family priority because children are tomorrow’s leaders. You must get their training right at the right time. Since I work for the government, I know my working hours and when work stops. Earlier in my career, I thought I should go into banking. That was in the early 90s. I remember what my husband said, ‘All that glitter is not gold.’ He was right because after what looked like the boom period in the banking sector, there was the great turbulence.

What was your typical day like, raising your children?

My schedule is quite different now, but those days, I had to wake up to get them ready for school. I had to pack their lunch. In the early days, I sometimes went with them to school and go to my work place. They were two then. After school and lesson, I ensured they returned home. They didn’t need lesson teacher at home, I supervised their home work. Raising kids is interesting, it gets to a stage that you have to clear your living room to make it safe for the baby to move around. I was very lucky because my first two kids were close in age, they lived like twins. I was lucky to have a girl first; she came along as one that moderated things for me. The boys still acted as boys though, but by training them, they all realised what they shouldn’t do. Generally, I am around with them until daddy gets back from work and we have dinner as a family. It was my choice to be available for the children because I could have engaged in private practice after my official job every day, but I shut down that option in order to be around the children. I decided that I would manage my resources because my salary  in those days was very small. The choice is up to you if you want to just make good money to buy all the Aso ebi or you want to convert your extra time to having well-groomed children.

Where was your first place of work?

My place of primary assignment was in a private practice. It was for about one year. Thereafter, I worked with the Ministry of Defence for about five years before I went for my postgraduate training, finished in 1999 and moved to the University of Lagos as a lecturer and a Consultant Orthodontist for the Lagos University Teaching Hospital. I actually work for two organisations.

Would you describe yourself as a successful woman?

Yes, to the extent that I have been able to reach some goals that I set for myself. It’s a lot of work in the academics where you are expected to publish or perish. But I am not just a teacher, I am also a clinician. I actually treat patients and also train other doctors in this area of specialisation. I have residents learning to be specialists. I also teach students in the university. By the time I get to where I am aspiring to be very soon – an associate professor – it will mean that I have contributed a lot. I have already been recommended for that, but I still have to attend a formal interview.

Do you feel comfortable with your husband’s social activism and political stance?

My husband is multifaceted. We share common grounds in many areas. I am also very passionate about issues that affect Nigerians. When he went into politics, I won’t say I was very happy because of the peculiar nature of politics in Nigeria. I had a problem with the kind of characters involved in Nigerian politics. But when I realised that Nigeria needed to get to the point that people can benefit from the immense resources that the country has, I had to support him.

Your husband appears like a perfect gentleman to most people. Is he really one?

In fact, my husband is more than a gentleman. I  told the whole family and friends on my birthday that I saw interesting love characters in the literature series I read in school but my husband has surpassed everyone I have ever read about. I told the children that their dad has swept me off my feet. There is no yardstick for measuring it; he has exceeded my expectation in every aspect of my life. Sometimes, I had to pinch myself to be sure it’s real, because I got more than I innocently asked God for when I was about to get married – a man that will make me happy. It was the same way I got the best result in my secondary school. I just knelt down and asked God for it and studied hard and it came true. God has blown my mind. You see the flowers at the entrance, the ones inside, they were all bought by my husband for me. My daughter just saw another bouquet and said ‘who brought this flower again?’ and when we checked, it was another one from my husband. He has just completely overwhelmed me in every aspect of my life. Even on my work, he motivated me to start writing a book.

Are you saying your romance is hotter now than when you began?   

Ah, I don’t know about when we began. I think the romance is greater now. In the earlier years, especially when we started having children, the love was there, but there were too many things to take care of. But now, the old wine is only getting better. I remember what he wrote on my birthday card, he was astonished that after 30 years that he has known me, it’s like we are just starting. Our relationship is also a positive influence on our children. They must be praying to have our kind of union and I am praying for them too.

Do you have any regrets in life?

I am thinking, but I don’t think so. At every point when something had happened, God turned it around. My husband has been associated with three major negative incidences. I mentioned the fatal accident in which his driver died in 1997, he was right there on the train of the London bombing and he got out from there. In my life too, God has been faithful. I have no regret.

Who are the other people that have influenced your life?

My father was the first land surveyor in Eastern Nigeria. My father encouraged me to read as a child. I remember the picture of him sitting by my side when I was a child to explain the stories to me and that is why those early years are so important in forming a child. My mother was a housewife, always there. They both positively impacted on my life.

What are your dreams?

My dreams are in different categories. I have dreams for my children. People usually tease me that I have three generations of children. I have two graduates-working-class, two undergraduates and my little boy. I desire great partners for them. In my career, I desire to touch more lives. For my husband, I desire to continue to support him in his every effort to touch lives.

How do you relax?

I love to just come closer to nature. Take cool breeze, gaze at the greens. That is why I have a lot of vegetation around my house. I also love to listen to soft music.