Victory
Emuejekaro is an actor. Also a model and the manager of African Movie
Academy Awards, he is married to Chika. They talk about their
six-year-old union
How did you meet?
Victory: I met her through one of
my friends who stayed in my village with her parents. I went to visit
her in Lagos when the family relocated from the village. The first day I
saw Chika in her house, I knew she would make a good wife. I started
wooing her immediately.
Chika: We met through a friend, her name is Naomi.
Was it hard for you to woo her?
Victory: It was not that easy but she realised I was serious; it took some years of dating before she allowed me to meet her mother.
Chika: I was not in the mood
initially because I had just come out of a broken relationship, I did
not want to meet any new man but my friend persuaded me to see him. She
described him as a friendly person. When I met him, he turned out to be
as friendly as my friend had described. I was still not ready for a
relationship then but because he persisted, I allowed him to see my
mother, who, immediately took to him. After that, I did not see any
point in continuing to play hard to get, I agreed to date him.
Did you at any point have a change of mind during the courtship?
Victory: There were times when I
was not sure of the relationship but I left everything in the hands of
God. We had an argument one night and I made up my mind that if she did
not call me the following morning, that would be the sign that the
relationship was not meant to be.
What caused the argument?
Victory: We did not really argue
in a way of exchanging words with each other, it was a question of our
attitude towards each other. I kept putting pressure on her to prove to
me that she was committed to the relationship.
Chika: I became confused at one
point in the relationship because I had a lot of male admirers due to
the nature of my job. By then, he had already told me his intention of
marrying me but I was indecisive because of the hoards of admirers I had
at the time. One day, I just told him that I needed a break, he
reacted by falling sick. I did not call him for four days. When I
finally called him, he said he had written it down somewhere that if I
did not call that day, that would be the end of the relationship.
Did you suspect she may be involved with somebody else?
Victory: We all had friends, not
necessarily intimate friends, but with me in the picture, it was natural
to expect that she had moved away from that aspect of her life to
concentrate on our future together. But I also reasoned that she may not
have been sure if I was the man for her. However, everything turned
out well.
How is your marriage faring at the moment?
Victory: We are doing very fine, thank God.
Chika: God has been helping us.
When we got married initially, I was very young and I always spoke my
mind and this led to a lot of issues in the marriage. My husband said I
was a nagging wife.
Were there attempts from detractors to destroy the marriage with gossips and hearsay?
Victory: I am aware that the
influence of other people can cause problems in a matrimonial home. I
recall that even after our marriage, we were separated for almost seven
months. The marriage was on the verge of crumbling but somehow, we came
together again. I believe intruders were to blame for that brief
separation. As a couple, we know that it is important to give deaf ears
to what people outside have to say about our partners; also we have to
trust and pay attention to the one we love.
Chika: It was during that period
of separation that we both discovered our mistakes. I had time to work
on myself because I realised I might not have been doing everything
right. I think we allowed outsiders unfettered access to our home and
this must have resulted in issues stretching beyond the boundaries they
were supposed to go. The experience has taught us to keep friends and
family members away from the marriage.
What is your definition of a courtship and marriage?
Victory: There is difference
between a relationship and marriage. When people are courting, they
overlook and tolerate a lot of things. At that point, it is important
for each partner to protect the relationship by not offending the other
partner. Marriage, however, changes everything; the man who values his
independence may no longer enjoy such privileges because his spouse
constantly reminds him of his status and the need for him to behave
accordingly. It gets to a point in a marriage where couples start seeing
themselves as strangers behaving differently from the people they knew
earlier. At that point, unless they learn to adjust again, there will be
a lot of resistance, rebellion and resentment.
Chika: Such people might not have
known each other very well during the period of courtship; it also has a
lot to do with the individuals themselves. As an individual, if you
know what you want, you could work for it. For instance, my friends
initially tried to prevent me from marrying my husband because he was an
actor; they reasoned that marriages to actors do not last. I refused
to accept that negative notion. I told them that if marriages to actors
do not last, mine would because I was getting married to somebody I
loved. I believe women should not try to change a man to fit into a
model of what they want after marriage, especially if they did not
bother to change him during the courtship period.
What do you consciously do to kindle love in the relationship?
Victory: I try as much as
possible to communicate and make sure that none of us nurses hurt or
resentment against the other without speaking out.
Chika: I have learnt perseverance and patience.
What does he do to make you angry?
Chika: I don’t like seeing him
around so many women. Due to the nature of his job, I see photographs he
takes with other women at functions and during movie shoots. When I see
such pictures, I complain about the fact that most of his pictures
feature women.
Victory: She gets angry over little things. Sometimes she takes life too seriously.
0 Comments